Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Kerry Bushwhacked by God

What a pity that we will have to endure four more years of that insufferable twit, George Bush, in the White House. If he wasn’t so dangerous, it would be laughable. Different reasons are being cited for his election and for Kerry’s defeat. Bush was decisive, a war president, a religious man, a conservative and people felt safer with him as president. Kerry, on the other hand was a ditherer, a flip-flopper, lacked vision, didn’t connect well with the people and did not deal effectively with the Swift Boat Veterans. Sadly, many more Democrats lost out to conservative Republicans around the country.

The real winners are, of course, big oil, big business, big construction, big pharmaceuticals, big arms, big aerospace and the military. The losers will include many of those who voted for Bush, as well as the poor, the dispossessed, the sick, the elderly, and, sadly, the environment.

With Bush’s victory, America is literally split down the middle with a Republican heartland stretching north to south and Democratic coasts east and west. I am happy that I live in a country – Ireland – where the citizens have the good sense to protect their democracy through a system of proportional representation. The American and British systems of first-past-the-post breed division and exclusion.

God seems to have done very well in this US election; though if your God is Allah and not Jesus (or if you don’t believe in him at all), I am not so sure. And where did God stand? In what district? Was he Republican or Democrat? Did he run TV ads? Did he have election workers? Did he put up stickers and posters? And now that he seems to be elected, can we expect to see policies being implemented that are in conformity with his manifesto, the Bible.

I know that God doesn’t like abortion and is probably not too keen on stem cell research. He probably would not be too keen on gay marriage either. So, I can see where George is coming from when he brings God along on the hustings. But I can’t, for the life of me, find support anywhere in God’s manifesto for bombing innocent women and children; invading countries you have no quarrel with; lying to millions of people and scaring the shit out of them so they will volunteer or be duped into travelling thousands of miles away to invade foreign lands by might of arms. I can’t find anywhere in his Bible that God condones humiliating and beating prisoners; or illegally taking people from their homes and keeping them locked up all day every day in foreign jails in third countries without access to legal advice or support. Jesus, God, will you show me where that is in the small print of your manifesto!

There is some similarity between Bush junior and God junior (Jesus to you and me) alright, now that I come to think of it. They were both sent by their fathers. They both liked to surround themselves with friends and allies; mostly men, but a few women as well, like Mary Magdalene and Condalesa Rice. But hold on a minute! All Jesus’ mates were poor – or if they were rich he told them to give away everything they had to the poor. They went around in rags with no shoes on their feet and lived at the hands of their benefactors. All Bush’s friends, on the other hand, are really rich; or if they aren’t rich, he makes them rich. And if they are really rich, he makes them really richer still.

How does Bush work this miracle? Is it like the loaves and the fishes trick that Jesus did? Well, not really. Because Jesus did his miracle by simply turning what he had into enough for everybody; he didn’t take from other people. Bush, on the other hand, takes from the poor to give to the rich. He gives big government contracts to his buddies and some of them (a bit like the apostles, I suppose) are even with him in government. Bush is real close mates with Chief Executives who robbed millions from their companies and shareholders.

So there is a difference … God wants us to protect and nourish the poor and to love our enemies; Bush wants to protect and nurture the rich and to bomb the shit out of his enemies. And if people don’t agree with you: say, they elect a government that you don’t like, well you just get some of your buddies to go in and kill them (or get your buddies’ buddies to do it). And wreck their country. And then get your friends to go in and fix it up, provided that the bad bold country pays you and gives you all their assets for eternity.

Ah – there is another way that Bush is like God (this is becoming too easy). Jesus loved and valued his friends and, when one of them, Judas, betrayed him, Jesus forgave him immediately and defended him against Jesus’ other friends. Well, George did much the same. When his and his father’s close Saudi Arabian friends, the Bin Laden’s, were responsible for attacking and bombing them, he made sure that they were protected from his own lawmen and, almost miraculously, spirited them out of the country to a safe place. That showed the love and concern that God reminds us we must all show.

But later, George sent hundreds of thousands of his soldiers to far away countries to bomb innocent people just in the vain hope that he might hit the one or two baddies who were probably hiding there. Jaysus, he wrecked the places! Everywhere he went, he left a trail of destruction to show how much he loved them and to give them freedom and democracy.

“Freedom is on the march,” he told them.

And as they were looking for their blown off legs and arms, or bits of their starving bellies that had been ripped out by cluster bombs, as they gazed in amazement at their razed homes, as they buried bits of their children (some of them even had the cheek to cry and wail) and looked for their mammies and daddies, they knew and could see that freedom was on the march ... all over them and all over the oil fields of the Middle East.

Jesus spoke of love – the greatest virtue of all. George, on the other hand spends a lot of time speaking of fear. Imagine a man who can bomb, kill, invade at will, imprison, deport, starve people to death and deny them medicines being afraid of anyone! Jesus, I’d hate to be George. I’d hate to be that afraid. Aw, poor George. Poor America.

But, hold on, what are they really afraid of? Ah come on now … tell me … go on … tell me … ok … I’m listening. Huh? Yeah, just as I thought, they are afraid of having no gas for their 4x4s and their bombers. I knew that oil had something to do with it all along.

Four more years … USA … four more years … USA … four more years … Cal . if . or .ni .ay … Eh, Arnie, are you there?


Penney said...

Great stuff! You should write a book!

Penneysaholic said...

Bush is great! What's all this rubbish about?